Hey-ho~ :)

Out from the grave, crawling like a newly hatched maggot, that's how it feels like.

After all this while, life was pathetically busy with things that are indescribable by words.

Sitting in my new room (technically few months already), I started to think about "What's Next" questions. Few months to go before I get a square hat on my head.

Well, for those with silver spoon in their mouth, nothing to worry about right? You're born to be lucky.

You'll get what you want, perhaps with a flick of fingers.

But for a jungle-dwelling person like me, as what the ignorant people would say to Sarawakians, I have to think much about life future planning. Opportunities knock a lot but I'm not ready yet to open the door.

The fear that everyone have especially when it's time to face the reality of adulthood and hardship. The biggest enemy - Myself - battles with every emotions that backing up the good possibilities that all these opportunities would give. I'm not ready. It may seem weird, but it's the fact which everyone in my situation is facing.

P/s:

Move-on peeps.

Kala

It feels like yesterday since the last post.
Well, time is indeed trying to become my enemy.
There's no much to say, as it is most likely my own failure to manage it.
But I guess I'm struggling with it, playing with this tug-of-war,
With no sign of giving up, never plan to fail myself anyway.
Never felt so "student" before because life was a lot easier but less challenging,
ironically, it wasn't at all.
Day-in-day-out, I'm getting older and older but during this fourth year,
the process seems to be accelerated, owing to the untimely sleep and diet habits.
Loosing weight might be the best satisfaction for almost everyone,
but for me, it's a sign that I'm undergoing an unhealthy lifestyle.
Gaining weight is not a hard task to me, however, it seems that my throat is not cooperating.
Am I that busy? No I'm not actually.
Just that I didn't allocate time properly.
Some people did accused me for being irresponsible due to some underestimated issues and less prioritized concerns.
If you're saying the same thing to the two-years-ago me, I'll drag you into some debates in which I'm pretty sure you'll never win it.
But this time, I'll bow 90 degree to you and take it in as an involuntary support.
I know I can't satisfy the whole world but at least make myself feel contented with the real blame.
I know my own size of shoes and your feet will not gonna fit in them anyway.
The most important thing is that, I'm happy with what I'm doing because I know, after I graduate, this feeling will be gone as sweet memories.

In memory.

Another one more day, the mourning will be ended.
I tried my best to be a good guy, a helper, a friend with mirthless smiles.
During the mourn, no haircut, no shaving,
and lots of other traditional beliefs to be obeyed.

Grandpa left me forever only a week after my post-Thailand-research holiday.
He was a strong man and full of determination, my idol for the rest of my life.
My siblings, cousins and other relatives were drenched in their solemn tears,
but ironically, I was the only one who stayed calm, sitting next to his lifeless body for the last time.
I first saw my parents cried ever and never want to see it anymore.
"God loves him more than we do, all you need to do is to pray for him. You're a strong guy like him." Dr. Tracy Ting told me.

That night, my cousin brother and I were out for a while from hospital to top up our phones which were out of credits. We reached back at the hospital and saw the doctors were doing their best CPR to continue his heartbeat. The younger doctor came and asked either to continue or not, in which at that time my vocal chord was jammed. I hold tight my cousin brother's hand and sought for an answer from him but all the things that we can do was starring at each other, speechlessly.
In my heart, I thought I knew that I was probably strong enough to let him go, and told the doctors to stop their works since further actions would make him suffer more and my guts told me what to say.

***

Sadness is one of the choices in grief. For how long it may take, we are the one to decide.
I was bathing myself with sweats of busyness, in hope that I can take it as a medicine to slowly eradicate this feeling away. But my love towards him will forever alive like this post and will stay with me until it's my time to close my eyes forever.
R.I.P grandpa.

It ends tonite...

Thought that my heart will be warmer
once I got back to Malaysia after a 3 months away from it.
But yes, my blood boiled too much and my head in pain.
I can't define the attitudes of some humans
who think they hold the virtue of a religion would do the pathetic thing to another human ever alive, worst than any land walking animals that ever alive.
But we cant judge the whole world through the actions of these idiotic faggots & buggers (sorry if the language is harsh).

At least when the whole world turns itself against you,
your family will stand behind you.
Daddy called and directly confirmed a flight ticket for me without any hesitation,
and advised me,
"You put your priority wrongly, works will always disappoint you when you're not fully prepared to fail it... But we, your family won't and always stand by you no matter how many times you turned us down... You weren't here during Gawai and I've listened too much about your works, and this time, we'll talk about family... Grandpa & Grandma want to see you during Raya... You'll be homed no matter what..." *talked in my ethnic slang*
I was touched and now I know where my fault is.
Thanks dad, your support is the best present ever in the history of my life.

To the edge of glory...

Approaching the final chapter of the astronaut's jotter,
Life is kinda very busy, busier than ever.
But it's my choice and my duty to face it without any laments,
since I've promised myself.
Once I've sailed through this treacherous sea of works,
I'll be a free sea gull, witnessing other sailors make their ways through the storms for above.
Perhaps I can focus on the other things in my life,
and maybe things that I'd accidentally neglected.
Reviewing the previous chapters in my life,
I can see my flaws as a normal human being,
idly living my life without any sense of direction,
setting my priority to people who made me their last option.
Maybe it's time to repent,
becoming a more matured guy,
before going into the next step in life - a fully grown up adult.
Lots of apologizes, especially for
my hot & cold fondness, my near & far reasons,
to whom, my heart pounds for.


P/s:
Final steps in Histopathology, Slicing & Staining, hopefully can finish all before stepping my feet back on the motherland. Happy that I almost completed my tasks, but will be aggrieved to leave this beautiful land of smiles. Never been so excited, since day one. Met lots of funny friendly friends and lecturers. Went illegally to some red zones (being warned by authorities from both PSU & UMK). Figured out my Thesis title, objectives and methods by myself within one week. Rushing proposal within 2 weeks. This experience makes me a more time efficient person, thanks for this opportunity guys. Well, it's 5 days countdown to the Season Finale. Tick-Tock!

To save the only one, you might have killed hundreds...


But it's worth if it makes you happy for the rest of your life...

Mekar dan layu di jambangan.

Permasalahan wanita yang sangat ketara di sini (Negara Gajah Putih), adalah being 'solo-polo'.
Kalau diperhatikan di setiap fakulti dan jabatan, pasti ada saja kewujudan 'bunga mekar dan layu' tanpa dihinggapi oleh mana2 species lebah. Kenapa ye?
Menyingkap kepada persoalan remeh ini, saya telah menemu bicara roomate sebilik di PSU.
Dia menerangkan konsep kesama-rataan yg diamalkan di negara tersebut, iaitu manusia di sini dibahagikan kepada 3 domain utama iaitu, lelaki, perempuan dan lela-puan.
Kemasukkan ke Universiti tempatan pula mempunyai kuota yang amat bias yg menampilkan,
70% perempuan, 15% lelaki dan 15% golongan undefined. Maka, golongan lelaki sejati yg berilmu adalah sgt sedikit jika dibandingkan dengan golongan wanita.
Adalah tidak dinafikan, golongan lelaki adalah sgt berharga dan dipandang emas permata oleh smua pihak.
Patut le nama aku asyik kena panggil je siang dan petang oleh girls2 ni walhal terfikir pulak, kita kenal ke? (kepada secret admires, jgn jeles).
Kalau berlainan jantina masih bole terima lagi la, tapi kalau dah yg sama aras, pastu mekap nye tebal 10 inchi... datang bilik trus xnak kluar... sembang sampai dunia nak khiamat... tgk kita mcm tgk ayam KFC... adui... *meremang bulu tengkuk, mengecut urat tekak*
Begitulah dilema wanita2 di sini,
mereka terpaksa bersaing untuk mendapatkan pasangan hidup.
Tambah pulak wanita yg berkerjaya,
semestinya inginkan lelaki berkerjaya juga. Apa class ye x?
Namun begitu, ada juga yg kecundang dalam pertempuran mereka dgn golongan XX-Y ni dan terpaksa mensingle-mingle-kan diri berharap bertemu juga insan penghuni hati.
Kalau hati anda keras, lembutkan lah,
dalam dunia ini xda ye prince charming on a white horse... xyah cari yg perfect, mmg xda...
ataupun senang je, jadilah macam budak2 SBH ni, 'SINGLE BUT HAPPY'...

Penafian:
Artikel ini tidak berkaitan dgn mana2 insan yg hidup @ yg tlah mati.

P/s:
After 2 weeks in hatchery, 2 weeks in water quality lab, now i change my lair, i think 4 weeks in disease & parasite lab...
2 reports and 2 presentations at the same week in August, I'm a dead meat. My friends in other places are not like this, we've been through hell. Tomorrow post-grade UMT-PSU seminar, and I need to attend half a day, meaning Tissue Processing on halt.
God, please lend me some of your strength.

Baal-ley, being sad because he's gonna leave PSU and other friends


Betta fish, for breeding purpose...

Ast. Danno., PSU 2011.

Clean

In the previous days, opened FB or any virtual media,
all posting about "Bersih 2.0".
That really showed how pathetic Malaysians, polices and our government too.
In the end what we get?
A broken leg, an almost dead of epilepsy and finally discredit to Malaysia in the eyes of the world.
I personally think, going against polluted government is a good thing, we must protect our rights but maybe rally is not the way. Think of something else people. Be mature please.
Some of them may say, "We're just walking peacefully from station A to station B, we did nothing".
Can't you see the problem?
Walking peacefully from station A to station B? That's bullshit, you're blocking the traffics, scaring tourists away, you know. Effects? Think about it yourself.
Here is the advice from me,
Before you think about that fair election or the lack of integrity ,
please be fair in your real life first,
for example, Don't CHEAT in CLASS!!!

P/s: I'm a supporter of Bersih 2.0 but in my own way. TQ.