In memory.

Another one more day, the mourning will be ended.
I tried my best to be a good guy, a helper, a friend with mirthless smiles.
During the mourn, no haircut, no shaving,
and lots of other traditional beliefs to be obeyed.

Grandpa left me forever only a week after my post-Thailand-research holiday.
He was a strong man and full of determination, my idol for the rest of my life.
My siblings, cousins and other relatives were drenched in their solemn tears,
but ironically, I was the only one who stayed calm, sitting next to his lifeless body for the last time.
I first saw my parents cried ever and never want to see it anymore.
"God loves him more than we do, all you need to do is to pray for him. You're a strong guy like him." Dr. Tracy Ting told me.

That night, my cousin brother and I were out for a while from hospital to top up our phones which were out of credits. We reached back at the hospital and saw the doctors were doing their best CPR to continue his heartbeat. The younger doctor came and asked either to continue or not, in which at that time my vocal chord was jammed. I hold tight my cousin brother's hand and sought for an answer from him but all the things that we can do was starring at each other, speechlessly.
In my heart, I thought I knew that I was probably strong enough to let him go, and told the doctors to stop their works since further actions would make him suffer more and my guts told me what to say.

***

Sadness is one of the choices in grief. For how long it may take, we are the one to decide.
I was bathing myself with sweats of busyness, in hope that I can take it as a medicine to slowly eradicate this feeling away. But my love towards him will forever alive like this post and will stay with me until it's my time to close my eyes forever.
R.I.P grandpa.