Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
All the more for that.
And words fall through me,
And always fool me,
And I can't react.
And game that never amount,
To more than they're meant,
Will play themselves out.
Take this 'sinking boat' and point it home,
We've still got time.
Raise your hopeful and faithful voice,
You had the choice,
You've made it now.
eyes that know me,
And I can't go back.
Moods that take me and erase me,
and I'm painted black.
Well, you've suffered enough,
And warred with yourself,
It's time that you won.
Sing your melody,
I'll sing along,
...but sorry if I sing a different song...
Life is not easy, just go with the flow, damn but actually I believe it,
Better to wear a shirt that suits you rather than the one you like,
for it won't fit your body most of the time, especially if you're plump. (It happens so many times to me, and now they're 'sleeping' in the closet or becoming a terrific present for people in which it suits...)
But still, it feels so different and wrong... why?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I wrote in this living journal.
This drizzling night, it feels so real,
A calm ambience, promoting this empty mine to think more than just his past.
Yesterday evening, one day before December emerged,
I went out for a tea with mummy,
and I don't know her real intentions until she introduced me to her friends.
The funny thing was that, her friends who have daughters about my age.
They were like amazed and startled by the 'shocking' me.
I was bombarded by funny questions like, "U look extremely healthy, what u eat there?" and "U got darker, u sport a lot?" and "U like it there?" and so on... blax3...
Mum seems to be their head, and the only one with an available boy child, opening hot discussion topics with her friends, talking about their girly yesterdays and how they met their husbands.
Mum were enjoyed talking to her friends, and I'm enjoying the hot coffee until,
one of them point a killing question to me,
and it sounds like this:" You have a girlfriend Joe?"
Shy yet speechless me looked and mum,
and spontaneously she said:" My son will complete his study first before he can have relationship with any girls. He can, but only when I give the green light. "
One of them said:" Invite us if you gonna marry, and I'm wondering whose daughter will that be."
I smiled. And mum asked me:" U remember her daughter Joe? She's very pretty right now u know... She's slim and loves to dance..."
I smiled. And this time, that lady said," U should meet her, she wants to see you..."
And mum added," Yeah, I saw her already, she's adorable and polite. I think you two are great together." and blax3.....
Personally, I hate match-making, especially when I'm the one involved in it.
Faked smiles, and sitting still. I can't take it anymore and suddenly I told everyone,
"Oh, I forgot that I need to buy something."
"What is it Joe?"
"Ermm... Oh ya, JUS-MATE-5..." I controlled myself from bursting into laughs.
Luckily, none of these people knew what was I talking about except for mum, if not, public humiliation!
From far, I heard something like," U're son is drinking jus for health? Wow, that's excellent!"
I left the 'discussion congress women' on their round table and off downstairs, searching for my 'JUS-MATE-5'.
This 'JUS-MATE-5' was great and grand, and its been a year since I ever munch this delicious Cha Sao Pau.
Passerby were looking at me in an odd way. In their minds, "What's so great about that Pau anyway?"
Saturday, November 13, 2010
A rainbow told me,
"Still remember the promises?"
The ambiance was silent and the evening sky was cloudy too.
Searching around for an oxygen breathing mask and I can't find any.
I can't breathe. The air is killing me.
Just like I can't speak. My words are killing me too.
Every truth that I speak distracts you away.
Time is an effective healer for the wounds I guess,
Or perhaps it is the poison that deteriorates our healths.
You're leaving, and I know it is easy for you.
You said dependence, is our biggest obstacle.
Even if there is no moon around it, the earth will still rotate and orbit at its position.
Just that it looses the beautiful nature satellite,
in which it depends on, to light up the gloomy night.
And if you're really leaving,
please don't destroy the pictures of memories that we took together,
and pretend that I already know the reasons why.
Last hamsty for this sem: :')
Friday, November 5, 2010
It's not either that I isolate myself from other friends or they isolate me,
I just wanna be alone for a while, that's it.
I promised myself to go to the Pasar Tani on Thursday and finally I found a time for this.
Last Thursday, an ordinary weather,
I dragged my reluctant feet there.
From what I saw from my last visit before that,
It was totally merrier than before.
and I saw a lot of things.
Happy, tired, desiring, lonely, in-love and so on portrayed on the faces of people there.
Some of you must be thinking,
"Why the heck were you wasting your time there?
Go back and study, you think you're so clever is it?"
I just wanna tell, this is how I perceive people around me. I learn from what I see.
I saw a young girl was crying in the middle of that place,
I can't understand why, so did her parents.
They gave her a balloon, she didn't want it,
They gave a sausage stick, still she rejected it.
Her parents was furious,
They seemed to be coming from an educated family.
The way they dressed up showed their status as well.
The mother was mad at the poor kid, still wondering what's wrong with her.
She gave everything but the kid was still very stubborn, crying non-stop.
At the time when she almost lost her temper,
An old lady who sells the clothes around came,
she was and ordinary person who sells clothes, came and talked to the parents.
With their arrogance and self-regard attitude,
She said:"Eh, mak cik nak sibuk apa? Ni anak saya, tau la saya nak jaga..."
Old lady with her kelantanese slang:" Ye la anak mu, tapi dok nangis tu tak kesian ke?"
Disregard of that arrogant young woman, the old lady picked up the poor child.
The child stopped to cry.
And then she put her down, looking at the young woman
and said:"Anak mu ni penat asyik mu bawak jalan2, dia nak mu dukung dia..."
She turned around and walked away back to her stall, leaving the two speechless.
Usually Dr. Lee will ask me, "So Daniel, what is the moral value that you learned from today's trip?" but this time he's not around. I have to ask myself, laughing silently under the scorching hot sun.
Moral of the day:
Even though you are rich, clever and powerful, it doesn't mean that you know everything. So, don't ever think that, if you are superior in term of status and knowledge than the others, their advices are useless and their helps are worthless. You may need some of them some times. Instead of calling them, "penyibuk", "jaga tepi kain", "lan si", "bodoh" and so on, try la CERMIN DIRI you SENDIRI... If you are too good, people won't offer their advice and help to the PATHETIC you... If you still wont listen, only one beautiful word to describe you, BODOH SOMBONG!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
It can change a smile to a cry and vice versa.
Most of the time, it creates joy to us in its presence,
but, in its absence, we live in the LIFE of misery.
Most of people have it in them but it's hard for them to show it.
They fear other people will jealous and create havoc to snatch it away from them.
This is because, once you have it,
you'll feel like you're the king of the mountain,
the queen of the sea,
or even the winner amongst other warriors who fight for it.
That is when you have it,
but once you loose it,
you are despicable,
you are a looser and even worse,
many would choose to end their lives.
But is it worth? Can't you just find another one? is it replaceable?
and WHAT IS IT actually?
Sunday, October 31, 2010
the cold gust,
and the freezing drizzles outside the hostel,
portraying what's inside someone's heart.
Dilemma, is his royal companion at the moment.
People are saying things around him but most of the time, he's not listening.
His attentions are thrown to somewhere over the vast sky.
Hundreds of advices he gets from friends,
but still, the decision is too hard to make.
Maybe not all problems will meet their solutions easily,
and not all love stories ended like those of Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella's.
Can this be a true fantasy?
Still, the love is there but yet undisturbed.
of people around us?
I will if I forget to wear my pants in the public.
the best reason to keep love at bay?
Maybe the best acceptable answer to all the questions in my head.
A sensible quote that you gave me:
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, I enjoy and appreciate my LIFE because of you love me .
Egoistic and demanding, that must be what others will think.
Maybe because we still believe that LIFE is too precious too be spoiled.
Maybe we still believe that the magic is still in the air,
or just maybe, many more...
Despite of all the good things that we believed in,
the time and the distance are killing...
Rabbits, Chickens, Birds and Fish, they are the loyal friends that keep silence no matter what I said.... :3
Sunday, October 24, 2010
In fact, I'm one of the most choosy person in UMK can ever have.
All my friends easily accept their places which were being decided by faculty.
And I, due to my intentions of going back Sabah to see someone,
being stubborn and fight for the place that I chosen which is not approved by Dean.
I talked to my lecturer about my keen interest of involving into the field of marine and also forestry, either one and it is not possible since my course of study is totally diverge from those.
I kept myself silence and he gave me a list of Aquaculture company's list since I like fish as much as he does.
During that time, I was kinda not in the right mood and remained silence.
Then he said:"You know Daniel, why you need to make your life so difficult, just go la to the company that we choose for you and it is a good one."
I said:"But sir, that is not what I want..."
He said:"Life is like this, you cannot always go against the law, you should just go with the flow, it is like you choosing a girlfriend la, why you need to choose the one that is faraway and being troubled by her. Just choose a near one la, will make your life easier and happier than now what. Beautiful or not is the second thing to consider. Nowadays, girl before married to you they are willing to do anything but when you married to her, I think you are the one who's gonna cook, clean the baby's waste, wash the clothes and so on... "
Then, another lecturer who sat next to him answered:"Aik, macam ada experience aja.... "
The three of us burst into laughs and get carried away by things that life gives... I will miss this scenario during my LI later. I know I would, because there is no other people that willing to share funny things about life as open as they do...
A random pic for today~ We were in UTM semarak
We were here, we gonna miss this place where we first met... this is where we call UMK Pengkalan Chepa.... (this pic i took it from SA)
And the next time we meet, it'll be another whole new adventure awaits...in a different place... and a whole new chapter in each history line of our lives...
Monday, October 18, 2010
Being busy a while, lots of things to do these days.
Being caved under pressure, and so on.
Scolded by my "boss" for some silly mistakes I made,
Being depised as "stupid" and so on...
In these processes, I showed my unprofessional self,
Lepas geram at friends and juniors who helped me a lot, and I know some of them must be very mad at me.
It's ok, I accept all your comments and dislikes about me,
I'm sorry for my misbehave, anyway I'm just a normal guy. I'll learn from all these.
Back to the topic
*nak guna BM la*
Dalam tak sedar, dah lebih daripada 2 tahun berada di Universiti,
kita masih lagi menunggu jawapan jujur dari hati masing2,
bila saja melihat rakan2 yg lain di FB mula menonjolkan hubungan mereka,
kadang2 terasa mcm cemburu dgn sifat toleransi yg ada pada mereka.
tetapi kita pula seakan-akan tiada kesefahaman,
pada bicara, katanya sayang, namun hakikat cuma di bibir sahaja.
jarak mungkin pemisah, namun kita tetap tidak berusaha utk mendekatkan hati...
kalau org lain boleh kenapa tidak kita?
bila masa aku perlukan kamu, kamu busy di duniamu.
x cukup waktukah sehingga 5 minit pun tiada utkku?
mungkin betul seperti yg orang kata mencintai mungkin x smestinya memiliki.
p/s: if u see this, pls call me... i cant contact ur numbr~
Friday, October 8, 2010
please shut up,
for one moment I thought a friend called me by name,
I turned but no one at my back...
Voices in my head,
please slow down,
I can't even sleep,
While the night was so warm and the bed was so inviting...
Voices in my head,
please be polite,
help me than destroy me,
I need more positives than negatives to face my days...
Voices in my head,
When the time is right,
I'll tell everyone about you,
I'll show the whole world your whispering desires...
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Sorry if sometimes what Joe said will get into your heart but it's just a sensible expression,
not aiming it to particular person.
Well, not much to say about it, since all of us matured already.
This time just wanna share about something new, something different.
It is about the future, another segment that makes life more mysterious.
I used to bear this in mind, I wanted to be a Marine Biology.
But then, was scared if I'm not good enough, not eligible that is.
The biggest nightmare I ever faced was, I got a C5 for biology in my SPM while others were excellent.
Left with a humiliation, I threw away my dream of being what I ever wanted in life.
The moment I chose Biology class for my form 6, people were laughing at me, as if Im not good enough. Pretty sure that time, my confidence was at the lowest stage.
I was a quiet boy, passive with what the academics fed me.
I enjoyed to live a life behind other's shadow, because I know, I'm nobody to be heard.
Still being traumatized by my results.
Not for long, I went into matriculation, a place where nobody knows me.
They put me into physics class. I was about to accept the life that God had arrange for me until one day,
I was very furious when someone insulted my grades. Dared him, I change my course in a week there to Biology class. Im tired of being a nobody. Im tired of being insulted just because I made my mistakes. I just wanna proof to people that I can do it. And in fact, I managed to proof it. People stop laughing at me and started to respect my decisions. But still, my morale boost wasnt for long, my result was getting worse due to my laziness.
Once again, I fail to get into what I want in my life, Forestry. Once again I was down to the floor.
Getting into local university, I got UMK.
At first I was like, confused with my life, confused with what I actually want.
Meeting these 20 people is the best in my life I ever get.
U guys teached me how to go wild, how to be a leader, how to survive alone, how to get mad, how to feel pain, how to face blame, and the most important is that how to be a human.
Bad memories and good memories accumulated, making it a time to remember.
Stuck between two friends' dilemma of not talking to each other for a whole sem,
Listen to an agony heart saying that he's gonna repeat that subject for getting low marks,
Looking at a drastic change from an unhappy girl to a talkative girl,
That was all very memorable.
Maybe some that we did may be wrong but this is time when we learn,
we learn from mistakes, and most of the time, it was because of our unsatisfied desires.
Most of the time, I made mistakes. People may see the good side of me, but not the other side of it.
I cheated Prof Ib about SBH trading just to make him happy instead of me.
I missed my meetings with club because I felt not belonging.
I went to library most of the time just to see girls.
and many more...
I think I changed a lot, from a silent guy to a trouble-maker.
However, used to be very friendly but now, an arrogant person. Some people even think that I'm very boastful.
What to do, Im just an ordinary selfish human.
Maybe after this, I'll change... maybe not being the best but someone better... Instead of blaming other people for my own fault, I'll try to solve it in a modest way...
Maybe you should change too,
and make this life worth to live in.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Please accept my apology for that.
Not much to talk about, just some sensible expressions that I want to share.
People always see me calm and relax,
But none realize how scared I am facing my daily life.
I'm just a normal human with fears in my heart, and sorry, I'm not a superhero.
I understand that feelings a lot.
Talking in front of thousands of people may seem easy for a politician,
but not to some of us. I'm scared too, just like you.
I'm scared of making ugly mistakes in front of these people.
But until when we need to be shadowed by others?
Why can't we break this monotony?
If now is not the right time, tell me when?
I'm not that kind of person that forces people to do things.
I 'killed' my hamsters just because of all of you.
I 'drowned' my fish just to keep all of you out of trouble.
I 'scratched' my own face just to keep yours clean.
Much that I've sacrificed, treasures of my life that I gave up just to make all of you to feel better,
and only 5 minutes of your time that I asked, none is willing to give.
Is it too long to ask?
Will it make your life shorter?
I know, the answers are SCARED, FEARED, WORRIED, and so on.
I took the humiliation, blame and depise alone, unshared, you guys even cared? All you can see is just a dull yet tired Daniel. And still, I kept it to myself.
But when I wanna share something good just to make you someone better, directly you said no.
There is no point of being a top scorer if you cant show your capability. or maybe you obtained it by cheating and that is none of my business.
The point is that now, I don't want to be the only centre of attention here,
I want us to flourish together, is that a selfish deed?
If still, you don't understand my meanings, maybe I'm such a fool for blinding my own eyes just to help clowns like you to be someone better in your life.
Remember, after this, I wont give you that chance anymore, some other people just deserve it better than you are.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Streams of tears were flowing from those beautiful eyes,
We kept silent for a long time, until,
Those fearful words finally burst from your angel lips.
After the warm hug,
You turned yourself away and gone in the hectic of morning Airport.
I faked a smile, saying goodbye, but deep inside, shattering into pieces.
I don't have the courage to ask,
The reasons of why you are leaving.
I've always wanted to say the 3 magical words to you but,
I never did.
Used to be so stubborn and never treated you like how it was supposed to be.
Losing you make me come to realize that how important you are to me.
Regretting it is already too late,
All left is the unbroken aching heart.
and every breathe that I take, is killing me softly...
Saturday, September 4, 2010
I almost forgot that I have one. Lolz.
Responsibilities call, Works knock, and when the words silence,
the music speaks. That is what happening to me these few days.
I love photography. I love to frame the perfect moment that I had with just anyone.
But then, there're a lot to learn before you can master it all,
photography is not just about the beautiful pictures that you took,
Personally I think, it is more towards the messages it conveys blending together with the stunning pictures you captured.
Well, there's nothing more I can say about it because most of you out there know better then me.
But the same story goes to my Skectch book.
Dusty and old, but memorable.
I've given most of my time and commitment to other people, things and works but I forgot to give it to myself.
I looked at the fluffy milky (hamster), she's like trying to speak to me. I don't seem to understand but it looks like "Let me tell you what you're missing...." well, somehow I wish they are humans.
In those confusing nights, I dreamt, I saw myself as someone being reckoned by the society. But does it really matter? I talked to myself, "Who are you?" and I can't answer this simple question. I'm scared. I stood at the balcony as usual, looking into the reflection of the moon inside the waste pond next to Familicious Kopitiam.
The moon is just like me, a shaking heart in the unsteady mirror, dissolves in the gentle illusion.
Friday, September 3, 2010
at first ingatkan nak balik,
dulu dah nekad betul2 nak balik beraya bersama-sama family,
tapi nampaknya, smua impian itu susah nak menjadi kenyataan,
it has been like 3 years dah x beraya ngan famili d s'wak... tahun ni nak masuk yg ke-4 dah kot... suasana beraya tu joe mcm dah x ingat dah mcm mana... aritu dah bincang ngan daddy, dia ckp ok jerr~ tp bila teringat kat benda2 yg harus dsettlekan d UMK ni, perasaan tu mcm dah berbelah bagi... nak balik ke, xnak balik... >.<
dah la byk benda kena buat, fakulti lagi memanggil minta tolong, nak xnak terpaksalah... biarlah susah sekarang biar senang kemudian... fakulti ni pon satu, nak minta tolong tp x ckp apa yg perlu dibuat, just pergi je...
semalam tu, sampai je kat MRSM Pengkalan Hulu, Perak lebih kurang ada sejam lagi sblum event bermula, tau2 kena bagi ceramah... masa tu terkejut babun la jadi nye... dah la x prepare apa2... tiba2 kena jadi penceramah undangan dari Universiti... betul2 lawak... kalau tajuk dia ringkas dan umum, xpa la, tp tajuk dia bagi "Keusahawanan Sains di UMK"... masa tu memang badan menggigil, telinga panas, muka merah... hahaha~ but then, I'm not someone simple either, boleh tahan la jugak dgn ceramah motivasi nye... x lama pon, sejam lebih je cukup lar... nak merepek byk2 penat pulak.... lepas je event tu, datang pulak sorang budak ni, minta nombor telepon, minat la sangat dengan SAINS PETERNAKAN katanya, dia nak masuk Program Asasi tahun depan di UMK (program keusahawanan Sains yg I promote mula2 tadi)... UMK ialah universiti ke-2 yg menyediakan program asasi (ala matrikulasi) 1 tahun yg ada 3 semester selepas UM...
Ingatkan dah penat2 lepas event tu, nak balik hotel, rehat2 ke, jalan2 sekitar tempat tu ke...
Sekali pak cik driver cakap nak balik, sbbnya kita habis awal dan masih sempat sampai... joe tanya la, pak cik x penat ke, jauh ni tau... dia ckp, saya bole je... kalau danel letih, danel tido je kat kereta, nanti sampai pak cik gtau... I ok je...
Sekali dia bawak kreta, laju giler, nak termuntah buih dibuatnya... hahahaha~ nak tido pon x jadi, takut giler2, dah la jln dia bengkok2... hahaha~ pjalanan sepatutnya 5 jam menjadi kurang daripada 4 jam... haahahah~ smpai je UMK dlm lebih kurang pukul 8 lebih mcm tu... sepatutnya sampai esok pukul 10 pagi, kalau tinggal kat hotel... sampai je bilik, buka je kasut, fesbuk sebentar, terus terlentang atas katil... @.@
Tapi best jugak, sebabnya mencabar, dan saya jenis yg pantang dicabar... hahaha~ Pengalaman baru, kalau bukan sekarang, bila lagi nak esperience smua ni? xkan nak lepas kerja? so bagi sapa2 yg menuntut kat universiti tp malas nak buat apa2, I warn u, you will face difficulties later on.... ingat nak senang je ke, jadi penumpang? sorry to say, berjaya dari segi pelajaran x semestinya anda akan mendapat pekerjaan yg lebih baik daripada org yg kurang bijak daripada anda....
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Nobody wants to live there because it was dirty and the lawn was full of grasses.
One day, a group of cattle came and lived there, they cleaned the grass but they just can't finish it by themselves. Then, a flock of sheep came and helped to clean the grass. But still, the grasses were too many for them. After that, a herd of goat came and helped. They managed to make the area a better place for living. The farm house became crowded with these ruminants and far better than it was before. However, the herd size of the other two ruminants was a little bit larger than the cattle's herd when combined. The cattle scared that they will lose their rights to own the place as the dominant group of the farm house. So they invited a group of duck and chicken to the house. The duck and the chicken were happy with the offer because they need a place to shelter from the treacherous environment. They fully supported the cattle and willing to do anything to help them. Now the cattle are happy, they are dominant with the support from the farm birds.
With their collaboration and hardworking together, the animals managed to make the farm house a beautiful place. This has made the other animals who lived in the jungle became jealous for what the farm animals did together. The jungle animals tried to poison the mindset of the cattle by saying that the farm house is supposed to be solely owned by the cattle since they were the first to came. Moreover, the house will not fit all the animals especially the goats and the sheeps since they are very fecund compared to the cattle. Undoutbly, they are just immigrants. The grass land will be depleted as well and there will be not enough food for the ruminants.
The cattle were remained silence. They didn't want to create chaos in the farm house since it is already a beautiful place to live right now. But in their heart, they keep thinking about what the jungle animals told them before. The other ruminants, goats and sheeps came to know about the secret meeting and the cattle's agendas, became very disappointed. After what they did together to build the farm house, they are still being treated as immigrants even though it is already more than 50 months they are together. But luckily, the farm birds are not affected, maybe because they are harmless and only go with the flow of the play. The harmonious ambience of the house shattered when one day, one of the cattle quarreled with one of the goats over a delicious green grass. The goat was trying to pick the grass and share it with the boastful bull leader when the bull involuntary said: "This is my place, we are the one who came first to this place, I'm free to do what I like and I don't share anything with small animal like you, if you don't like what I said, you can go back to the jungle and being native again." The goat was sad, heart-broken and wished it never came to that place in the first place. But what to do, it was helpless. The other animals were mad at the vain bull and he answered the same to them.
The farm house used to be very happening with laughters and cries now became cold and gloomy. The residents are there but being protective over their own rights of who is the first and who should be gone and so on and so forth... Now only left the farm birds, pecking on the ground and doing their own things, happy as usual and seemed to be not bothered by the foolish quarrel of the ruminants. For them, who cares about who came first to this place, the only thing matters here is that who made this place a better place to live. Is it the cattle? Is it the goats and the sheeps or Is it the farm birds? And the funny thing is that, everyone knows the answer for this question but they just blinded by their hunger of who being the best in the farm house.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Then said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them.
And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
The poem above is about "LOVE" in the book - The Prophet by Khalil Gibran.
If you still don't understand what is life's all about, just think of one - LOVE. We, selfish human no matter what we do, we want other people to love us, adore us, praise us but we never do the same back to the others. Love makes life perfect, it can heal wounds from the the previous relationships, it can cure ach'in heart which is about to break, and it can mend the soul with longed-desperate-whispering desires... Love is not all about having sex and body contact, it can be just a simple mere thing like saying 'Hello'. And love is not all about boys and girls things, it can be family love, friendship love, knowledge's love and so on. Again, I'm stressing this, Dont practice the love of power, but model the power of love.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
the reason is unexplainable, for every 2 minutes, I received a call from friend saying that lecturer is waiting for both of us to come...
all the students were waiting for me and a friend to have our 10 questions quiz. ( I dunno wat I answered).
After the class, I received a phone call from an outsider saying that he wants to see me at 2 o'clock, but the bus was full and I catched another one at 2.30 pm, so I have to cancel the appointment... :(
Then, People from SEC called to have other meeting with me at 3.00pm but I have to go to the lab because I promised Kak Ila & Dr Lee to do bacteria Iso, so I prostponed the appointment to 4.30pm. Done the lab, I went to SEC for the appointment. :3
At 5pm, I rushed to Agropark because I promised Rovin I'll transfer the fish back to their tank. In the animal house, the rabbits are trying to escape their way out by digging and I don't have the key to open it... waiting outside the rabbit house for someone to come with the key, I was full with rage already... tired and hungry (I forgot to take lunch... LOLZ).
After closing all the holes in the animal house, it is already 7.20 pm and I promised my Sarawakian friends to have Buka Puasa together. Bird-bathed and ran to the camp at the back of the hostel... I made it... We had LAKSA SARAWAK specially made by Ming & Eyla...
It was 8.20pm and I promised my group to have group discussion regarding the FILA table making... quickly ran to my room and change outfit then rushed to library...
at 10.30pm, after the discussion, a friend asked me to accompany her to buy things in 7 eleven.
It was 11.00pm and I'm on my way to my room when I saw Rovin and Tan. With an awkward way, they said there is a big lizard digging itself into the animal house at that time. I'm unconvinced because who the hell have the permission to go to the agropark at that hour... They called Khirija and she explained:
K :"Tadi ada seorang pak guard tu kata ada biawak masuk dalam rabbit houz..."
J:"Ye ke? (nada letih) mcm mana dia tau?"
K:"Dia baru balik dari kunci gate tu, so dia pergi la tgk agropark..."
J:"Pak guard tu xda kerja ke sampai bole pergi animal house dlm gelap... I xcaya la jaja..."
K:" Dia kan ada motosikal, mestilah dia boleh nampak..."
J:" Mcm mana dia bole tau kena contact u?"
K:" (nada cuak) oh... I bagi dia nombor HP I..."
J:" Ok, bagi I nombor telefon pak guard tu..."
K:" *terdiam*.... tiba2 line terputus....."
Rasa mcam dipermainkan, dah la masa tu kepala I pening sbb kena hantar proposal yg direject for the next day... tambah pulak budak2 yg sengal ni buat hal... I slammed the door and sit on my chair....
At this time, my gay roomate, Loi came and say, "Daniel, I'm hungry, lets go eat...?"
"Great, I'm angry and hungry... Let's go eat..."
We walked to CSC... then someone SMSed him asking where were we going,
at first I asked him to ignore but then, he replied the SMS without hesistation... Lolz....
Here came another s-hole to CSC, Tan, saying that I went to eat without him...
T:"Hey, you guys come without telling me... I'm so damn hungry you know... You wanna kill me or what?"
J:"Just now you said got things to do... and now hungry pulak...."
T:"Ye la... very hungry..."
The waitress came and ask, "What u want to eat ,Sir(versi yg dipolitekan)?
T:" Just take me air limau panas... that's all..."
J:" You said you damn hungry and blame me?!! what the @!$#$^!%@#!!!!!!!"
For a second I was thinking about myself, I looked around and felt a different atmosphere, a warm breeze, a sweet fragrance and a tranquilled ambience... and suddenly,
"~Happy birthday to you~ lalalalalallala~"
A group of SBH_3 monkeys came out of nowhere brought two cakes to celebrate my birthday in CSC!!!!!!
And the saddest thing was that, I forgot that it was my birthday that day and I never told anyone about it... These guys remember mine... seriously being touched and thrilled by it... I was speechless... In my heart, I can only say, thank you for making my life miserable earlier with the Biawak case... For one night, I'm being happy as a human being... Thanks guys....
Friday, August 20, 2010
because wat happened back then, determined our today.
I used to hate history class, because of one small reason which not to be mentioned.
I can't deny that we forgive and forget easily most of the time,
but then, I guess I'm not in that list,
Now I know that I still can't let it go, even after 1 year.
Maybe bad things give more impact than the good one.
Guess I'm still not ready to face August.
Maybe the 'dark angel' is coming back to haunt my wonderful thoughts, pushing me back into the abyss of sadness which I sealed long time ago. Schizophrenia.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
rasa macam baru semalam, aku menikmati juadah & masakan mummy.
tiba2 rasa rindu, rasa kosong, rasa bersendirian,
so aku ambik langkah kura2 menuju ke balkoni sebelah bilik...
Jam dah pukul 4.30 pagi dan laptop masih lagi terbuka, terpampang kerja2 yg x siap walaupon dah berusaha sepanjang hari...
cermin air bergetar-getar mendenyutkan jantung bulan yg ada di wajahnya....
dalam kegelapan malam itu, aku terbayang benda2 indah dan sedih yg 'kau' berikan,
membuatkan diri ini rasa mcm x dihargai tetapi dipatuhi...
tapi itu bukan niat sebenar aku korbankan waktu utk 'kau'.
niat ku sebenar mulanya utk melupakan dia yg jauh di sana... tp mungkin tersilap caranya...
sampai bilakah waktunya nanti bila cukup itu mencukupi?
aku konfius... halatuju hidup ini asyik berubah-ubah...
sekejap niatku indah, sekejap amarahku bertambah... betul2 keliru...
tapi bak kata seseorang... "This is the time for you to learn, and you are in the learning process..."
Kalau ada waktu yg selama ini aku buang dgn benda2 yg x berfaedah, bisakah aku tuntutnya kembali? atau waktu2 yg ku buang dgn membuai mimpi di tgh hari, bole kah aku mendapatkan nya kembali?
Hidup sememangnya susah, tapi tahap ini mencapai maksima. kdg2 aku sendiri x tau kenapa aku sanggup lakukan perkara2 yg x berfaedah utk diri sendri smata2 utk membantu org yg x reti menghargai?
Mungkinkah aku telah pelajari erti sebuah simpati tetapi memakan diri.....
harapkan org, mengecewakan, harapkan diri, rasa mcm pentingkan diri sendiri?
bilakah waktunya nanti aku akan memahami yg aku juga seperti mereka di sana... manusia biasa yg selalu tertidur di dalam kelas... dan bukannya perwira yg sentiasa mampu mengangkat nama 'mereka'...
ku mau kita berjaya bersama, ku mau kau tau apa yg aku tau, tapi ku x pinta kau rasa perit maung yg ku rasa... tp satu yg ku pinta, cobalah utk memahami di mana letaknya harga dia sebagai seorang teman andai anda jadikan dia sebagai hamba kemalasan anda...
Sedangkan binatang hargai manusia, apakah anda gelar diri anda?
Monday, August 9, 2010
nothing much I wanna share here,
just a few power words which any human will understand.
Works, oh... stop talking about it...
I wanna tell some crucial things which sometimes we feel it but remained unalert.
"There is a story about 3 cats in the breeder house"
The 3 cats live in a breeder house,
The three of them are different breeds and traits.
The first cat is worth RM5000.
wow! That's a big amount.
He can turn on and off the computer, typing some data and read.
The second cat is worth RM15,000.
He can write, he can use the computer too but with other advantages such as using cutting-edge programmes.
The third cat is worth RM30,000.
The buyers expected him to have far better abilities than the other two.
But this cat only knows how to shit, spray urine and spit saliva.
People seem to be wondering why the third cat is so expensive while his ability is only this...?
The answer is simple:
This is because the other 2 cats call the 3rd cat as their boss. What do you expect a boss can do, other than shitting on his workers' work and spilling out foul words to them.
"The moral of the story here is that, no matter how good we are than our boss, or how hard we work than our boss, in the end, the credits will be taken by our boss but not us... do you know that, Daniel? You need to learn that from now... or else later you will be dissapointed... regardless of who you working with, either the government or the NGOs... So what you learn from today's trip?"
"Yea, I know that, Sir. Thanks for opening my eyes to the real world... I learned that, LIFE IS NOT EASY...."
Both laughing..... the car arrived at UMK.... :3
Monday, August 2, 2010
Everyone have their own boiling point that shouldn't being reach,
for some people, anger can be a dormant volcano waiting to erupt when the time is right.
and worsen, when it erupts, the effect will be catastrophic and fearsome.
I am a dormant volcano as well.
but to certain extend, I manage to control my anger. I'm not saying that I'm fully succeed in this but eventually it works well. My biggest contributor to anger is the stress accumulation.
but for those whose anger is at its peak, releasing it is the best solution.
Promised to face all the problems no matter what, but when little disagreement emerges, all flee like the Serengeti stampede.
For those out there who are born in rich family, I guess you are very lucky.Yes, you are very very lucky indeed. I wish I am you. Frankly I am telling you, my family is poor. My father is just an ex-army and my mother is the world most devoted housewife. They are willing to go through all the hardships just to educate me. They are scorned by other people because they are poor. Fear of seeing me having the same fortune, they sent me off to an unknown friend whom I called a foster sister when I was entering my secondary school. I learn to live that life is not always beautiful for everyone.
Maybe some other people are not ready to face difficulties in life because they are spoon-fed with luxury and love. Maybe their parents are rich and can afford every thing that they desired. They want a remote control car they can have a remote control car, they want a PSP and they get a PSP. For people that never taste the joy of these toys and love, they will know that life is not easy.
Since small, I am trained to feel loneliness and despicableness. I studied in Chinese school to learn their competencies and you expect nothing less from them, they are very 'kaizen', friendly, dedicated and the best is that, they know what they do. What I learned from them is just a simple thing that life can give, and I know very well why Chinese can strive very well compared to other races in Malaysia. The answer is very simple, they are positive-minded and never whine when hardship occurs.
After all the hardships that I faced when I was young, I am more matured right now I guess. I promised myself to be someone respected by the nation one day.
p/s: If you are living in your cocoon of spoon-feeding and day dreaming that you will have a good future without hard work, sorry to say, Malaysia will always be a backward country for having a parasite like you. And if this still happen in the future, I will kiss Malaysia goodbye, for I'm not letting any parasite to suck my sweats and blood that easily.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
No matter what, they depend on us to survive. We are the controller of the world which we all lived in.
Please save the world for a better future for the animals. If you don't care about them right now,
think about yourself. The world is a place we all call it a home.
Don't just because of your irresponsibilities, you kill these beautiful creatures.
This is life what we are talking about. They are innocent just like us when we were born.
I am maybe not a good person either, but please, lets raise your hand and hold my hand.
Promise me, we'll make the world green again one day.
Browse the pictures below, I think they can stop a war:
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Nak cerita sikit ttg pengorbanan, x kisah la sapa2...
Dalam hidup ini adakalanya kita terpaksa berkorban,
korban perasaan, dan mcm2 berkorban.
Selalunya org yg berkorban bersebab.
Demi tanah air, demi bangsa, demi keluarga, demi kawan2 yg sambil lewa dan demi universiti yg terlalu birokrasi.
Pengorbanan tu org xkan nampak, org xkan nak memahami sekiranya x menghargai.
Ada juga yg ingin berkongsi pengorbanan namun lagi bnyk yg mengelak.
nak buat mcm mana, bila kepentingan diri melebihi niat murni maka disitu timbulnya konflik korban.
Yang penting bukan nak org lain agung2kan kita,
tapi cuma empati la dgn keadaan,
x smua benda kena seorang saja yg berkorban la kan.
Kalau kita ni jenis yg pasif dan tunggu arahan nak buat macam mana, xda masalah.
Tapi yg penting, bila org lain berkorban utk anda,
jgn la mempertikaikan apa yg mereka lakukan utk anda,
anda x bayar mereka utk berkorban utk anda kan,
sbbnya mereka buatkannya demi kepentingan bersama,
sekiranya mereka tersilap buat perkara,
jgn nak terus salahkan mereka serta-merta,
sebabnya, kalau anda bole buat lebih baik, kenapa x sendiri saja yg lakukan?
Dah lumrah manusia pentingkan diri,
kalau anda x berminat utk membantu, its no problem,
nak buat macam mana, sifat ni acceptable,
tapi kadang2 jgn la sampai lukakan hati mereka yg berkorban utk anda.
Hanya kerana dia diam mematung, x bermakna perasaannya x terguris dgn sifat anda.
Cumanya dia tahu,
bercakap besar xda maknanya kalau x dilakukan.
ucapkan terima kasih sudah cukup sebenarnya utk membuatkan hatinya lebih tenang.
I love the quote from Dato' Soh Chin Aun.
"No point to tell others that you need to do the best, but what more important is, show it"*edited
and I'm thrilled with Santokh singh's statement.
"We need 11 to make a team and 11 to win a game......."
selalunya orang tak akan peduli kalau kita tidak berdiri,
kadang-kadang rasa meluat, kadang-kadang rasa kesian,
Tetapi inilah situasi yang terpaksa kita hadapi setiap hari,
Hari ni masa temankan member2 pergi makan,
ada la sekumpulan budak2 yang datang minta sedekah,
kalau hatinya ikhlas budinya baik,
nescaya aku beri.
Namun begitu, adatnya macam beruk, perkataan keluar macam longkang.
Rasa serba bersalah pun ada,
desakan demi desakan, hati ku tersentuh akan kesusahan mereka.
Dalam hati terfikir,
"Sapa mak bapak diaorang?"
"Diaorang ni makan ke tak?"
Perasaan simpati tu mula bertakhta di muka,
budak2 ni pun seakan-akan merasakan yg hati abang sorang ni mula tersentuh.
Namun, aku tahu, lebih baik utk tidak bagi,
sebabnya selepas sekali pasti nak lagi.
Member pun cakap, duit tu pun bukan utk diaorang, tapi untuk boss diaorang.
Masalahnya sekarang kenapa harus mereka terima nasib sedemikian,
mana perginya ibubapa yg bertanggungjawab menjaga mereka?
apalah dosa anak2 ini utk jalani hidup seperti anjing jalanan.
Kanak2 seusia mereka seharusnya melalui zaman sekolah,
belajar utk masa depan yg cerah,
belajar dari kesilapan yg mereka buat,
dan belajar utk jadi manusia yg lebih baik.
Inginku bantu, apakan daya kudratku terbatas.
Andai kata anda mempunyai kemampuan utk mengubah nasib mereka, tolonglah, ku seru anda utk membantu. Jgn kerana kita berbeza adat, budaya, rupa dan agama, kita pandang mereka sebelah mata. Hentikanlah pemerdagangan manusia seperti ini. Sedarlah wahai manusia. Bagi ibubapa dan yg bakal menjadi ibubapa, ketahuilah tanggungjawab anda. Semua orang tahu cara nak buat anak, tapi tak semua orang tahu cara nak menjaga anak.
Favourite quote of the day:
"Admire less the love of power, but model more the power of love"
My family, Elder sis, Grandma, Mummy and Younger Brother... I think i miss them so much...
Bobob, "nak becaar jadi mcm uncle luuar" or in real "Nak besar jadi mcm uncle nwar (Joe)"... Love him more than Akmai right now... :3 (nanti akmai marah.... :X)
Uncle Nwar akan pastikan Bobob berjaya suatu hari nanti. This I promise you.
Monday, July 19, 2010
No matter what condition it is, we want to be stronger, we dun want to appear weak,
in front of other people.
This is one of the spirit embedded inside the heart of Malaysian.
Is it good?
I would say yes.
Most of the people fear their weakness to be shown especially in front of their competitors.
Scare of people will laugh at them,
it is a normal thing, we got embarassed when people make fun of our weakspot.
I'm oso one of the laugher, but then, it depends on the condition becoz a wrong timing will get you double trouble... It is a good thing actually, we burn his spirit, we ignite his passion.
Humiliation and shame that we get will actually make us more stronger in order to defend our face or other complicated name is 'pride'.
But wrong ways to defend our dignity will lead to wrong doings and frauds. We tend to make mistakes. We tend to hide our weakness but it shows more than it was before. This happens to many people around me and including myself also.
We want to look great in front of other people but we tend to show more of our weaknessess by making ourself more advance than who we really are,
Dun get it wrongly,
Dun be downgraded by your weakness,
No matter what you do,
trust yourself first, make evaluations, dun trust your one-sided mood,
ask your heart and your instinct,
Then choose and do the best decision in front of you.
You meet problems? Dun show your nervousness as people easily can detect it,
and they will have bad perspectives on you.
Be calm, relax.
You can do it. There is a solution to every problem.
Also, control your anger, becoz you will show your weakness here,
people will test your boiling point,
but then try to keep it high. Be patient that is.
Last, dun easily show sympathy.
This is another reason that will kill your strength.
People will tend to take advantage on you.
Be cruel to certain extend but show your empathy. As this is how you will maintain your relationship with others.
Dun ever trust easy outcomes,
-BECAUSE LIfE IS NOT EASY-
These photos I upload just to recap back the memories of previous semester:
when you get your first job, you get excited, but then, you dunno how hectic the future is...
at night, you tend to eat more because this is the moment to keep 'full'
Biggest appreciation is given to this sweetest girl, she helped me a lot, if not for her, maybe I'm a dead meat at the moment... Thanks ya, Khirijha~
(Thats the leech treatment to beautify you skin, can get it for RM30 for 5 leeches, thanks to the supermodel up there...) THose interested can call me, or tell me here...
Tend to take katze's photo... they are cute but sometimes are over-cute which make me wanna slap them if they don't behave... 0.o