I wish my birthday is more meaningful...

I never thought that I will wake up in my birthday morning without your wishes. You were my inspiration, my dream, and my all. Now, I have to pay the debts I owe you most when you were missing me. I know how it feels. There is nothing much I can say about me but I really missing you for real this time. I am sorry for never let you expressed your views on everything you doesn’t like about me. I was too stubborn and rock-headed. I know this is all my defect because I just want the center of attention is mine. I am sorry for mentioning Elvi’s name when we were quarelling, although you doesn’t like it at all I’m mentioning her name. I am sorry for hurting your feelings with my actions and temper when we were in the Beta apartment. I am sorry for the lame excusses I gave you when you wanted me to go for a walk with you in the park. I am sorry I never told you the truth about the orange shirt and brown shirt you gave me, which I really love them the most out of all my outfit. I wear those clothes in every occasion until people thought that I only have those two for shirt. I keep all the gifts you gave me and most of them specially rewrapped with the same gift paper, untouched. I know you will keep Randall and Rudolf forever and ever. In this birthday morning, I would like to express all my feelings here and doesn’t matter what it takes. Maybe these sound idiotic,poetic,childish or pathetic to you but they came out from the bottom of my solemn heart. Maybe this is neither not a good way nor offending you but this is what I’m thinking about. I know you were trying to get through with all my lameness and stubborness. Choosing a place out of Borneo is my worst fault. We could have study there together in Sabah as you like but I am so stupid to defy our promise. It is not your fault I’m turnning into this way but I wanted to tell you that I’m not mad at you for choosing medical as your course in Indonesia just to leave me. In fact, I’m proud of you. Maybe one day our path somehow cross-over again, I would like to meet you as a new person. Maybe love is not our destiny after all. I know I talk the best when I say nothing at all. Sometimes the best way to say goodbye is to let someone you love to go on with the different path...

P/s: I love you forever and ever even if you don't ...