A Worth livin'

Suddenly, the feelings come back, back to write about life and its contents.
Sorry if sometimes what Joe said will get into your heart but it's just a sensible expression,
not aiming it to particular person.
Well, not much to say about it, since all of us matured already.
This time just wanna share about something new, something different.
It is about the future, another segment that makes life more mysterious.
I used to bear this in mind, I wanted to be a Marine Biology.
But then, was scared if I'm not good enough, not eligible that is.
The biggest nightmare I ever faced was, I got a C5 for biology in my SPM while others were excellent.
Left with a humiliation, I threw away my dream of being what I ever wanted in life.
The moment I chose Biology class for my form 6, people were laughing at me, as if Im not good enough. Pretty sure that time, my confidence was at the lowest stage.
I was a quiet boy, passive with what the academics fed me.
I enjoyed to live a life behind other's shadow, because I know, I'm nobody to be heard.
Still being traumatized by my results.
Not for long, I went into matriculation, a place where nobody knows me.
They put me into physics class. I was about to accept the life that God had arrange for me until one day,
I was very furious when someone insulted my grades. Dared him, I change my course in a week there to Biology class. Im tired of being a nobody. Im tired of being insulted just because I made my mistakes. I just wanna proof to people that I can do it. And in fact, I managed to proof it. People stop laughing at me and started to respect my decisions. But still, my morale boost wasnt for long, my result was getting worse due to my laziness.
Once again, I fail to get into what I want in my life, Forestry. Once again I was down to the floor.
Getting into local university, I got UMK.
At first I was like, confused with my life, confused with what I actually want.
Meeting these 20 people is the best in my life I ever get.
U guys teached me how to go wild, how to be a leader, how to survive alone, how to get mad, how to feel pain, how to face blame, and the most important is that how to be a human.
Bad memories and good memories accumulated, making it a time to remember.
Stuck between two friends' dilemma of not talking to each other for a whole sem,
Listen to an agony heart saying that he's gonna repeat that subject for getting low marks,
Looking at a drastic change from an unhappy girl to a talkative girl,
That was all very memorable.
Maybe some that we did may be wrong but this is time when we learn,
we learn from mistakes, and most of the time, it was because of our unsatisfied desires.
Most of the time, I made mistakes. People may see the good side of me, but not the other side of it.
I cheated Prof Ib about SBH trading just to make him happy instead of me.
I missed my meetings with club because I felt not belonging.
I went to library most of the time just to see girls.
and many more...
I think I changed a lot, from a silent guy to a trouble-maker.
However, used to be very friendly but now, an arrogant person. Some people even think that I'm very boastful.
What to do, Im just an ordinary selfish human.
Maybe after this, I'll change... maybe not being the best but someone better... Instead of blaming other people for my own fault, I'll try to solve it in a modest way...
Maybe you should change too,
and make this life worth to live in.

Dunno what else I can do to break this wall...

It's been a while I havent 'paint' any colors in this blog.
Please accept my apology for that.
Not much to talk about, just some sensible expressions that I want to share.
People always see me calm and relax,
But none realize how scared I am facing my daily life.
I'm just a normal human with fears in my heart, and sorry, I'm not a superhero.
I understand that feelings a lot.
Talking in front of thousands of people may seem easy for a politician,
but not to some of us. I'm scared too, just like you.
I'm scared of making ugly mistakes in front of these people.
But until when we need to be shadowed by others?
Why can't we break this monotony?
If now is not the right time, tell me when?
I'm not that kind of person that forces people to do things.
I 'killed' my hamsters just because of all of you.
I 'drowned' my fish just to keep all of you out of trouble.
I 'scratched' my own face just to keep yours clean.
Much that I've sacrificed, treasures of my life that I gave up just to make all of you to feel better,
and only 5 minutes of your time that I asked, none is willing to give.
Is it too long to ask?
Will it make your life shorter?
I know, the answers are SCARED, FEARED, WORRIED, and so on.
I took the humiliation, blame and depise alone, unshared, you guys even cared? All you can see is just a dull yet tired Daniel. And still, I kept it to myself.
But when I wanna share something good just to make you someone better, directly you said no.
There is no point of being a top scorer if you cant show your capability. or maybe you obtained it by cheating and that is none of my business.
The point is that now, I don't want to be the only centre of attention here,
I want us to flourish together, is that a selfish deed?
If still, you don't understand my meanings, maybe I'm such a fool for blinding my own eyes just to help clowns like you to be someone better in your life.
Remember, after this, I wont give you that chance anymore, some other people just deserve it better than you are.

~~~~Just for sharing~~~~

That pretty face, clinging on my chest,
Streams of tears were flowing from those beautiful eyes,
We kept silent for a long time, until,
Those fearful words finally burst from your angel lips.
After the warm hug,
You turned yourself away and gone in the hectic of morning Airport.
I faked a smile, saying goodbye, but deep inside, shattering into pieces.
I don't have the courage to ask,
The reasons of why you are leaving.
I've always wanted to say the 3 magical words to you but,
I never did.
Used to be so stubborn and never treated you like how it was supposed to be.

P/s: Tears are words from the achin' heart...

Blaming myself for not holding tight those hands when you're leaving,
Losing you make me come to realize that how important you are to me.
Regretting it is already too late,
All left is the unbroken aching heart.

Again, blaming myself for the unspoken love,

Wanted to tell you now but I can't find any better excuses anymore,
and every breathe that I take, is killing me softly...

Who are you?

It has been a while, my poor DSLR remain untouched.
I almost forgot that I have one. Lolz.
Responsibilities call, Works knock, and when the words silence,
the music speaks. That is what happening to me these few days.
I love photography. I love to frame the perfect moment that I had with just anyone.
But then, there're a lot to learn before you can master it all,
photography is not just about the beautiful pictures that you took,
Personally I think, it is more towards the messages it conveys blending together with the stunning pictures you captured.
Well, there's nothing more I can say about it because most of you out there know better then me.

I used to love drawing too, and in fact I still do.
But the same story goes to my Skectch book.
Dusty and old, but memorable.
I've given most of my time and commitment to other people, things and works but I forgot to give it to myself.
I looked at the fluffy milky (hamster), she's like trying to speak to me. I don't seem to understand but it looks like "Let me tell you what you're missing...." well, somehow I wish they are humans.
In those confusing nights, I dreamt, I saw myself as someone being reckoned by the society. But does it really matter? I talked to myself, "Who are you?" and I can't answer this simple question. I'm scared. I stood at the balcony as usual, looking into the reflection of the moon inside the waste pond next to Familicious Kopitiam.
The moon is just like me, a shaking heart in the unsteady mirror, dissolves in the gentle illusion.

Simple question, but unanswerable...

Tiba2 je~

Bermula la holiday budak2 Uni,
at first ingatkan nak balik,
dulu dah nekad betul2 nak balik beraya bersama-sama family,
tapi nampaknya, smua impian itu susah nak menjadi kenyataan,
it has been like 3 years dah x beraya ngan famili d s'wak... tahun ni nak masuk yg ke-4 dah kot... suasana beraya tu joe mcm dah x ingat dah mcm mana... aritu dah bincang ngan daddy, dia ckp ok jerr~ tp bila teringat kat benda2 yg harus dsettlekan d UMK ni, perasaan tu mcm dah berbelah bagi... nak balik ke, xnak balik... >.<
dah la byk benda kena buat, fakulti lagi memanggil minta tolong, nak xnak terpaksalah... biarlah susah sekarang biar senang kemudian... fakulti ni pon satu, nak minta tolong tp x ckp apa yg perlu dibuat, just pergi je...
semalam tu, sampai je kat MRSM Pengkalan Hulu, Perak lebih kurang ada sejam lagi sblum event bermula, tau2 kena bagi ceramah... masa tu terkejut babun la jadi nye... dah la x prepare apa2... tiba2 kena jadi penceramah undangan dari Universiti... betul2 lawak... kalau tajuk dia ringkas dan umum, xpa la, tp tajuk dia bagi "Keusahawanan Sains di UMK"... masa tu memang badan menggigil, telinga panas, muka merah... hahaha~ but then, I'm not someone simple either, boleh tahan la jugak dgn ceramah motivasi nye... x lama pon, sejam lebih je cukup lar... nak merepek byk2 penat pulak.... lepas je event tu, datang pulak sorang budak ni, minta nombor telepon, minat la sangat dengan SAINS PETERNAKAN katanya, dia nak masuk Program Asasi tahun depan di UMK (program keusahawanan Sains yg I promote mula2 tadi)... UMK ialah universiti ke-2 yg menyediakan program asasi (ala matrikulasi) 1 tahun yg ada 3 semester selepas UM...
Ingatkan dah penat2 lepas event tu, nak balik hotel, rehat2 ke, jalan2 sekitar tempat tu ke...
Sekali pak cik driver cakap nak balik, sbbnya kita habis awal dan masih sempat sampai... joe tanya la, pak cik x penat ke, jauh ni tau... dia ckp, saya bole je... kalau danel letih, danel tido je kat kereta, nanti sampai pak cik gtau... I ok je...
Sekali dia bawak kreta, laju giler, nak termuntah buih dibuatnya... hahahaha~ nak tido pon x jadi, takut giler2, dah la jln dia bengkok2... hahaha~ pjalanan sepatutnya 5 jam menjadi kurang daripada 4 jam... haahahah~ smpai je UMK dlm lebih kurang pukul 8 lebih mcm tu... sepatutnya sampai esok pukul 10 pagi, kalau tinggal kat hotel... sampai je bilik, buka je kasut, fesbuk sebentar, terus terlentang atas katil... @.@
Tapi best jugak, sebabnya mencabar, dan saya jenis yg pantang dicabar... hahaha~ Pengalaman baru, kalau bukan sekarang, bila lagi nak esperience smua ni? xkan nak lepas kerja? so bagi sapa2 yg menuntut kat universiti tp malas nak buat apa2, I warn u, you will face difficulties later on.... ingat nak senang je ke, jadi penumpang? sorry to say, berjaya dari segi pelajaran x semestinya anda akan mendapat pekerjaan yg lebih baik daripada org yg kurang bijak daripada anda....