~Still breathing~

The chilling weather,
the cold gust,
and the freezing drizzles outside the hostel,
portraying what's inside someone's heart.
Dilemma, is his royal companion at the moment.
People are saying things around him but most of the time, he's not listening.
His attentions are thrown to somewhere over the vast sky.
Hundreds of advices he gets from friends,
but still, the decision is too hard to make.
Maybe not all problems will meet their solutions easily,
and not all love stories ended like those of Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella's.
Love story?
Can this be a true fantasy?
Still, the love is there but yet undisturbed.
Shame?
of people around us?
I will if I forget to wear my pants in the public.
Busy?
the best reason to keep love at bay?
Maybe the best acceptable answer to all the questions in my head.

A sensible quote that you gave me:
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.
We appreciate light because we have been in darkness.
By the same token, I enjoy and appreciate my LIFE because of you love me .

Egoistic and demanding, that must be what others will think.
Maybe because we still believe that LIFE is too precious too be spoiled.
Maybe we still believe that the magic is still in the air,
or just maybe, many more...
Despite of all the good things that we believed in,
the time and the distance are killing...

Rabbits, Chickens, Birds and Fish, they are the loyal friends that keep silence no matter what I said.... :3

I'll miss them, I think...

Last Thursday, I went to see my lecturer to settle my place to do my industrial training.
In fact, I'm one of the most choosy person in UMK can ever have.
All my friends easily accept their places which were being decided by faculty.
And I, due to my intentions of going back Sabah to see someone,
being stubborn and fight for the place that I chosen which is not approved by Dean.
I talked to my lecturer about my keen interest of involving into the field of marine and also forestry, either one and it is not possible since my course of study is totally diverge from those.
I kept myself silence and he gave me a list of Aquaculture company's list since I like fish as much as he does.
During that time, I was kinda not in the right mood and remained silence.

Then he said:"You know Daniel, why you need to make your life so difficult, just go la to the company that we choose for you and it is a good one."

I said:"But sir, that is not what I want..."

He said:"Life is like this, you cannot always go against the law, you should just go with the flow, it is like you choosing a girlfriend la, why you need to choose the one that is faraway and being troubled by her. Just choose a near one la, will make your life easier and happier than now what. Beautiful or not is the second thing to consider. Nowadays, girl before married to you they are willing to do anything but when you married to her, I think you are the one who's gonna cook, clean the baby's waste, wash the clothes and so on... "

Then, another lecturer who sat next to him answered:"Aik, macam ada experience aja.... "

The three of us burst into laughs and get carried away by things that life gives... I will miss this scenario during my LI later. I know I would, because there is no other people that willing to share funny things about life as open as they do...

A random pic for today~ We were in UTM semarak



We were here, we gonna miss this place where we first met... this is where we call UMK Pengkalan Chepa.... (this pic i took it from SA)
And the next time we meet, it'll be another whole new adventure awaits...in a different place... and a whole new chapter in each history line of our lives...

Mencintai tak semestinya memiliki...

It's been a while this post is empty.
Being busy a while, lots of things to do these days.
Being caved under pressure, and so on.
Scolded by my "boss" for some silly mistakes I made,
Being depised as "stupid" and so on...
In these processes, I showed my unprofessional self,
Lepas geram at friends and juniors who helped me a lot, and I know some of them must be very mad at me.
It's ok, I accept all your comments and dislikes about me,
I'm sorry for my misbehave, anyway I'm just a normal guy. I'll learn from all these.
Back to the topic
*nak guna BM la*

Dalam tak sedar, dah lebih daripada 2 tahun berada di Universiti,
kita masih lagi menunggu jawapan jujur dari hati masing2,
bila saja melihat rakan2 yg lain di FB mula menonjolkan hubungan mereka,
kadang2 terasa mcm cemburu dgn sifat toleransi yg ada pada mereka.
tetapi kita pula seakan-akan tiada kesefahaman,
pada bicara, katanya sayang, namun hakikat cuma di bibir sahaja.
jarak mungkin pemisah, namun kita tetap tidak berusaha utk mendekatkan hati...
kalau org lain boleh kenapa tidak kita?
bila masa aku perlukan kamu, kamu busy di duniamu.
x cukup waktukah sehingga 5 minit pun tiada utkku?
mungkin betul seperti yg orang kata mencintai mungkin x smestinya memiliki.

p/s: if u see this, pls call me... i cant contact ur numbr~

The whisper

Voices in my head,
please shut up,
for one moment I thought a friend called me by name,
I turned but no one at my back...

Voices in my head,
please slow down,
I can't even sleep,
While the night was so warm and the bed was so inviting...

Voices in my head,
please be polite,
help me than destroy me,
I need more positives than negatives to face my days...

Voices in my head,
Rilex,
When the time is right,
I'll tell everyone about you,
I'll show the whole world your whispering desires...

Above is a HDR picture, what is HDR? Btw, that pic i took from internet, just for show... :3

A Worth livin'

Suddenly, the feelings come back, back to write about life and its contents.
Sorry if sometimes what Joe said will get into your heart but it's just a sensible expression,
not aiming it to particular person.
Well, not much to say about it, since all of us matured already.
This time just wanna share about something new, something different.
It is about the future, another segment that makes life more mysterious.
I used to bear this in mind, I wanted to be a Marine Biology.
But then, was scared if I'm not good enough, not eligible that is.
The biggest nightmare I ever faced was, I got a C5 for biology in my SPM while others were excellent.
Left with a humiliation, I threw away my dream of being what I ever wanted in life.
The moment I chose Biology class for my form 6, people were laughing at me, as if Im not good enough. Pretty sure that time, my confidence was at the lowest stage.
I was a quiet boy, passive with what the academics fed me.
I enjoyed to live a life behind other's shadow, because I know, I'm nobody to be heard.
Still being traumatized by my results.
Not for long, I went into matriculation, a place where nobody knows me.
They put me into physics class. I was about to accept the life that God had arrange for me until one day,
I was very furious when someone insulted my grades. Dared him, I change my course in a week there to Biology class. Im tired of being a nobody. Im tired of being insulted just because I made my mistakes. I just wanna proof to people that I can do it. And in fact, I managed to proof it. People stop laughing at me and started to respect my decisions. But still, my morale boost wasnt for long, my result was getting worse due to my laziness.
Once again, I fail to get into what I want in my life, Forestry. Once again I was down to the floor.
Getting into local university, I got UMK.
At first I was like, confused with my life, confused with what I actually want.
Meeting these 20 people is the best in my life I ever get.
U guys teached me how to go wild, how to be a leader, how to survive alone, how to get mad, how to feel pain, how to face blame, and the most important is that how to be a human.
Bad memories and good memories accumulated, making it a time to remember.
Stuck between two friends' dilemma of not talking to each other for a whole sem,
Listen to an agony heart saying that he's gonna repeat that subject for getting low marks,
Looking at a drastic change from an unhappy girl to a talkative girl,
That was all very memorable.
Maybe some that we did may be wrong but this is time when we learn,
we learn from mistakes, and most of the time, it was because of our unsatisfied desires.
Most of the time, I made mistakes. People may see the good side of me, but not the other side of it.
I cheated Prof Ib about SBH trading just to make him happy instead of me.
I missed my meetings with club because I felt not belonging.
I went to library most of the time just to see girls.
and many more...
I think I changed a lot, from a silent guy to a trouble-maker.
However, used to be very friendly but now, an arrogant person. Some people even think that I'm very boastful.
What to do, Im just an ordinary selfish human.
Maybe after this, I'll change... maybe not being the best but someone better... Instead of blaming other people for my own fault, I'll try to solve it in a modest way...
Maybe you should change too,
and make this life worth to live in.

Dunno what else I can do to break this wall...

It's been a while I havent 'paint' any colors in this blog.
Please accept my apology for that.
Not much to talk about, just some sensible expressions that I want to share.
People always see me calm and relax,
But none realize how scared I am facing my daily life.
I'm just a normal human with fears in my heart, and sorry, I'm not a superhero.
I understand that feelings a lot.
Talking in front of thousands of people may seem easy for a politician,
but not to some of us. I'm scared too, just like you.
I'm scared of making ugly mistakes in front of these people.
But until when we need to be shadowed by others?
Why can't we break this monotony?
If now is not the right time, tell me when?
I'm not that kind of person that forces people to do things.
I 'killed' my hamsters just because of all of you.
I 'drowned' my fish just to keep all of you out of trouble.
I 'scratched' my own face just to keep yours clean.
Much that I've sacrificed, treasures of my life that I gave up just to make all of you to feel better,
and only 5 minutes of your time that I asked, none is willing to give.
Is it too long to ask?
Will it make your life shorter?
I know, the answers are SCARED, FEARED, WORRIED, and so on.
I took the humiliation, blame and depise alone, unshared, you guys even cared? All you can see is just a dull yet tired Daniel. And still, I kept it to myself.
But when I wanna share something good just to make you someone better, directly you said no.
There is no point of being a top scorer if you cant show your capability. or maybe you obtained it by cheating and that is none of my business.
The point is that now, I don't want to be the only centre of attention here,
I want us to flourish together, is that a selfish deed?
If still, you don't understand my meanings, maybe I'm such a fool for blinding my own eyes just to help clowns like you to be someone better in your life.
Remember, after this, I wont give you that chance anymore, some other people just deserve it better than you are.

~~~~Just for sharing~~~~

That pretty face, clinging on my chest,
Streams of tears were flowing from those beautiful eyes,
We kept silent for a long time, until,
Those fearful words finally burst from your angel lips.
After the warm hug,
You turned yourself away and gone in the hectic of morning Airport.
I faked a smile, saying goodbye, but deep inside, shattering into pieces.
I don't have the courage to ask,
The reasons of why you are leaving.
I've always wanted to say the 3 magical words to you but,
I never did.
Used to be so stubborn and never treated you like how it was supposed to be.

P/s: Tears are words from the achin' heart...

Blaming myself for not holding tight those hands when you're leaving,
Losing you make me come to realize that how important you are to me.
Regretting it is already too late,
All left is the unbroken aching heart.

Again, blaming myself for the unspoken love,

Wanted to tell you now but I can't find any better excuses anymore,
and every breathe that I take, is killing me softly...